Productive Weekend

The chaos that consumes us is the bathroom remodel, and like any other home improvement one project leads to a list. This weekend found me home on Friday for Conference Exchange day. My mom and I tackled cleaning out the old insulation from the attic and then putting in new fresh pink insulation. We also primed the walls and painted the bathroom; waiting for Mike to come and hang the vanity early next week. We've covered the attic floor with wood to make a new storage area for our stuff.

Between the sweat we've found time to go to the Zoo and enjoy the one nice day amongst the cold and possible upcoming snow! Productive weekends feel good and I'm hoping to get in one good restful day; especially when the bathroom is finished.

I Really Thought I Was Trying!

Again I find myself beginning a blog with the disclaimer that "I am happy to be living where I'm living and I am happy for the help my family offers me".

Today was a difficult day amongst an emotionally difficult week. You know how some weeks can be emotionally difficult for yourself or you can find yourself drained emotionally because you are worried about another person. The latter has been my week. A close friend of mine made a big mistake and got caught. A DUI! Not a good thing, not something I'm proud of for them, but reality and it happens. I've worked hard to help this friend out this week, with driving, a listening ear, a shoulder to lean on, advice, and even leading difficult discussions. It's been hard but it's been something that I've wanted to do. I've done it because I've wanted to not because I wanted a Thank you or anything else in return. Within this process things at home and even with other friends has become tense. My mind is focused on work, B, and this friend. My focus has caused me to forget some of my other obligations, such as picking up dog food and editing a paper. The absence of completing these duties was not out of a lack of concern or thinking they lacked importance, it was out of plan old forgetfulness.
My mother has decided that these two task show my lack of concern for family and my selfishness of "requiring" family to support me but not offering up my time or energy in return. I'm deeply hurt by her words. I keep telling myself she's just over exhausted because of an extra crazy work schedule and isn't thinking straight or clear. But seriously, does she really think I'm that selfish? Do I really not do for others?
I'm in tears; thinking I'm trying so hard to be a good single mom, raise a good stable young man, be a reliable and available sister, be a grateful daughter, be a dependable and hardworking principal, and a solid friend to the people I care about all without forgetting to take care of me and breathe. I'm at a loss. I'm babbling. I don't know what to do differently or how to change her perception of me. Goodness I just need a hug! These times of frustration amplify my desire to not be alone...to share in some of these jobs....to have someone to hug me when I need it. Oh how this blog has crossed many issues! WHAT AN EVENING!!!!

Judy and Fred

Well it's been a long winter in our household for the dogs. They were certainly affected by the severe cold we experienced in the Ohio area. In order to be good conscious owners both my mom and I decided to allow their fur to grow in the hopes that it would be enough warmth (no crazy sweaters for our pups)!

Now that we are approaching spring and the fur has started floating across the wood floors a hair cut was needed for both of our four legged guys. So Jack and Fritz were off to the groomer. They returned with SUPER short cuts. Apparently, Jack in particular, had a bunch of matting.

Brogen entered the house, paused, and took a double take. He turned to Nana with a perplexed look. Her immediate response was "Jack and Fritz left us, I went and got Judy and Fred". We are still questioning if B knows that this name change is a joke, but he is very insistent on calling the four legged friends Judy and Fred! It's hilarious! He is adamant telling anyone who walks through the front door and greats the dogs with "Hey Jack" or "Hey Fritz" that those are new dogs with new names!

Duh!!!!! Can't you tell they look different!
And we adults stand by wondering if the he is playing along with the joke or really believes us!

A Breath of Fresh Air!

What a beautiful weekend! The temperature rose to the mid seventies, the sun peeked out between the grey clouds every once in a while, and the breeze lets us believe that the spring was blowing in! How nice it was to get outside with B for some outdoor play. We spent several hours at the Zoo. He's actually starting to notice the animals instead of purely running to the train and toy shop. His most favorite part is using the map, directing me to all the different animals, as I silently breath a sigh of relief that he will have some sense of direction! We also spent several hours on "big wheel road trips" while mommy followed on foot. It was my yet another realization of how big he is getting! He can actually pedal, direct the big wheel, and go down hills as compared to last spring...him sitting and whining while I walked ahead wishing he could keep up! Now I find myself wishing he'd slow down so I could make sure he doesn't dart into the city street. My how things have changed. What's to come? :)

I Must Be Out of My Mind!

So my goal in life, well the one at the moment that has not been accomplished, is to find "the one"! So it's apparent by my previous "dating" patterns have not only been less than successful but have also been destructive to my self-esteem as well. So a couple of my girl friends who sit in similar "boat" as I am got together and decided to do a book study on dating. We're working through the book "Love In 90 Days".

I've learned that I do not make myself open to men. So I've been focused on saying hello and smiling more....lol instead of looking at them like "what do you want?". I've also have been attempting to accept dates from men I may have not previously been attracted to. It's silly but amazing that I really am feeling better about myself as more men smile back or speak. The book recommends dating in threes, meaning trying to date more than one guy at a time. This method apparently, I haven't accomplished that, keeps one from obsessing over a guy, or giving him so much attention that he runs!

Tonight we were out to dinner and it struck me our waiter was handsome, fun, good with the boys, and a hard worker. I blew caution to the wind and left my number. The note said: "You have a great smile and are such a harder worker. I'd be interested in chatting sometime." I signed it, left my number, and then honestly my sanity came back and I ran for sheer embarrassment. So will he call? I don't know, but what I do know is that I made a step. A step in the direction of "why wouldn't he want my number I'm a catch"! A step away from hibernating away for fear of rejection. So if he (Anthony) calls great, if he doesn't...his loss.....RIGHT!?

Bed Time Funnies!

B has been such a handful when the sun goes down. It is very obvious to me that he loves to distract me from and prolong the process as often as possible. Some evenings I'm just too tired to fight it other nights I feel like I could conquer anything he would throw at me!

Last night was a "I'm going to hold strong night". We took a calming bath, read 5 books (one for each of his years and one to grown on)! We sang a song and I rubbed his back for 5 min. (which felt like 20). I quietly stood up to go about my business and the kid started into a heart throbbing sad cry. He began a monologue about wanting a brofer and sisfer! He was adamant that his bed "stinks" not as in smells bad but as in "sucks". I explained in an oh so calm voice that only God can send us brothers and sisters, and maybe we should pray for that to happen. My son becomes quiet for a moment and then the sobbing begins again. "Mom I don't know how to pray for that!" I rub his back and say well you just ask God for what you want and then he'll work on it. So B begins "God, I want a brofer and sisfer. I want them to sweep with me cause my bed stinks" He pauses, rolls over to me, and says "Well where are they?"
Dear oh dear, I did not expect for him to think that a new brother or sister would just appear. So my heart ached, after I of coarse told him he should tell Nana what he prayed for! HA, she probably had a heart attack! I invited B to sleep in my bed and told him I knew he was lonely. So we cuddled. What happened to "I will hold strong"? Who knows, but damn we slept great.

I awoke this morning to a four year old with no pj pants or underwear on. I questioned him "B, why don't you have any pants on?" He replied very matter of fact, "Cause when my penis gets tall I have to play with it". Stunned I stutter "Oh, okay". How is one to respond to that? He kills me! It's all I can do not to laugh!

My new addiction!

So January has brought about many surprises. The start of the year in the hospital with the dog bite, B being sick for a little over a week, B's birthday, my stomach virus, Nana's birthday, and four snow days to round out the month. It's been crazy. Needless to say my "Resolutions" have not been off to a smashing start. Walking has been slim due to illness and extreme low temps and ice storms. The Doctorate has been put off until next year due to deadlines. the time spent at home during this cold weather has brought me to enjoy "Face book". I swore I'd never do it...and now I'm glad I am! I've reconnected with friends from my past. We've had fun reminding each other of stories and events that either of us had forgotten, we've planned to reconnect for dinner, we're planning on getting our kids together for play dates! It's fun!! It's also fun to see pics that people I talk with frequently post. Bantering back and forth on each others walls is entertaining as well. Additionally I'm addicted to a couple of the games like Sudoku, Who Has The Biggest Brain, and Scramble. Now I'm searching for a balance between life and face book; work and face book; breathing/blinking and face book! Wish me luck and I'd love to see you on my friends list (if you dare)!

Be careful what you wish for!

So for those of you who aren't clear, B and I live with my parents for the time being. Although the set up is amazing and helpful the quarters are tight; which involves the two of us sharing a bedroom. He's been very restless as far as sleeping goes and I've been wishing for a "break".
Nana, granted my wish! She and B went to Dayton to visit Granny Great for four days. Of coarse I missed the lil fella but truth be told I was stoked! I was ready to run free, even if that did mean working-out after work, going to the grocery alone, or not watching Sponge-Bob.
No kidding as soon as the two of them hit I-75 I started coming down with a NASTY stomach virus. The kind where you are thankful that you don't have a grandiose bathroom. I pushed through work on Thursday and Friday...thinking just make it until 4 and then you can rest. HAHAHAHAHa
Friday, around 1 a student of ours had a major behavioral meltdown. This episode lasted until 3:30, before we decided we needed to call 911. Seriously, no family member would get in touch with us, not even after 15 calls. As the ambulance rolled in to take him I suddenly realized that I was on, as far as being the District Representative. Yes, my friends I had to ride in the Ambulance to the hospital. This poor 10 year old had no, I repeat NO, family show up. I in good conscious couldn't leave him, especially after he looked me dead in the eyes and said "Ms. W, you aren't gonna leave me here alone are you?" So I sat. I sat with this boy as he weaved in and out of crisis. I sat as we waited for the hospital to decide if he needed to be admitted to the Children's Mental Facility. At 11, yes 7 hours after I thought I would be resting, the hospital admitted him and I was no longer allowed to stay. (a fact that I was almost thankful for)
So the way I figure it, I asked for a "break" from my own son but by default gained the work of another mother, one who apparently needed a break too. The end to my week made me thankful for the time and energy that B takes up because he so healthy, happy, and loving. Spending time, even if it is battling bed time wars is so much easier and pleasant than taking on someone else's issues. Please remind me of that the next time I'm looking for a "break".
As for me and the virus....well it hung around all weekend and I've planned to take Monday off. Tuesday I should be rip roarin' ready to go!

The Birthday Party

Today, as far as B is concerned is the day that he turned to 4. Nana and grandpa made a airplane cake. Uncle Kel and Catee, Uncle Ben and Aunt Megan came over for a dinner. We opened presents and spent a quick quality time. B opened clothes; not exactly his favorite but necessary for his upcoming trip. He got a fantastic spider man lamp, hot wheels town, and a transformer. His little hands didn't know what to grab first but he was a happy guy. As I put him to bed he said "Mom I love my birthday." Was it because he felt special or because he got gifts. Either way he's cute and 4! Where does time go?

Is There Enough Room?

Just so I can remember how sweet some of the things that B says:

1. At 2:00 am; "Mommy is there enough room for me?" as he asks to sleep in my bed.

2. "Mommy will you do me a "favorite"?" (means: will you do me a favorite)

3. No fanks

4. "Mommy you know what I'm thinkin you thinkin?" "Do ya?"

B - There will always be room for you with me! As we approach your 4th Birthday I remember how far you've come. As I see your long legs climb up on the furniture I remember you curled up in my arms at the hospital. I not only cherish the moments we have had but look forward to the places we'll be going together.

I Love you!

Welcome 2009!

Before the new year arrived I like many people sat down and made a plan for the upcoming year. the difference between this year and previous years is that I'm making a plan not a resolution! We'll see if that makes a difference.
1. I'm planning on walking another 1/2 marathon in the spring.
2. I'm planning to prepare to start the 2010 year off with a full marathon.
3. I'm planning on applying for a Doctorate program.
(I think that's enough for personal planning)

So how did it all start off. Well my plans are in action and my training is on the go. The rest of life however flopped!

On January 1 B was bitten by our neighbors dog. The bite is on his face and is rather ugly. We spent several hours in the Emergency Room. We left with stitches, lots of antibiotics, and an exhausted family. He seems to be recovering well, although the medicine regime is difficult. We've met with "the dog" and forgave her. All is working back towards happy!

January 2 left me sitting at a dinner table (in public) all alone. It's called being stood up for a blind date. I haven't heard the reason yet, and maybe I really don't want to. I'm not nearly as devastated today as I was that evening; however I did stay and eat the meal. I was impressed that I didn't run...growth is a beautiful thing.

Even though the first two days of 2009 brought not so fun surprises I'm feeling good about the upcoming year!